#HES TAKING VOLUNTEER JOBS
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Yay I love being terrified of the future
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#FYM MY LAST YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL IS LIKE NEXT WEEK#H U H ?#WHAT THE FUCK#WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUVK#I HAVE TO TAKE SENIOR PICTURES SOON????????#FUCKKKKKKKKK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK#NONONONONO I CANT#I FUCKINT CANT#I CANT GO BACK I CANT BECOME AN ADULT I FUCKING CANT#WHAT THE FUCK????#I DOMT#IM NOY ALMOST AN ADULT FYM IM 17 AND ILL BE 18 WHEN THE SCHOOL TEARS OVER#FYM I HAVE YO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE AND LEARN JOB SHIT AND GET A RESUME OR WHATVER THE FUCK I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE AN ADULT#MY BROTHER DROVE ON THE HIGHWAY THE OTHER DAY#HE FROVE US TO A PLACE TO PICK IP FOOD AND DROVE US HOME#HES TAKING VOLUNTEER JOBS#HE HAS A FUCKING RESUME H#IM A YEAR OLDER THAN HIM#Iām gonna end up in a fucking trash can because I canāt make myself do things I donāt wanna do#I canāt do anything#I donāt#it doesnāt seem possible#what the fuck am I gonna do
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okay i did very much enjoy episode 47 The Hand and all the shenanigans and terrors. but i DO have to ask. arthur john both of you. Why the fuck did you have Arthur throwing the rocks at John's direction instead of, oh, I don't know. having the Guy That Can See (And Aim) And Controls One Of Your Arms throw them. the rocks. at the cage that arthur couldn't see.
#yorick definitely Knew this but they didn't ask so why would he volunteer it (hence why the question is not directed at him)#arthur i can also mostly forgive bc tbf he's very used to 'taking the lead' (as he himself says!) and also May Have The Plague. or something#but JOHN. CMON MAN. you literally have a hand to throw thing with!#you are also literally stuck as only manifesting through Arthur's eyes hand and one foot (iirc) so im pretty surprised he FORGETS so often#malevolent podcast#malevolent#malevolent spoilers#cryptic original#cryptic cawing#explanations i will accept: john doesn't know how to throw things properly. or like. at all pretty much. he tosses it and it goes comically#wide. alternatively: that's Arthur's job why would he have to do that shit man he (john) is already the eyes AND brains of the operation#let Arthur do the grunt work!! (joke)
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#forever dreaming about general maximus#i would like to personally volunteer for the job of taking off his armor at night#heās so EVERYTHING I CANāT TAKE IT#my heart turns to melted wax for him#his concentration here š#his intensity šš#his HANDS ššš#i want to get on my knees and kiss his hands and swear allegiance to him#and while iām down thereā#i think. that tree could be put to good use#now i am imagining how he could hold me so easily against that tree and IāM NOT OKAY#i guess this is my life now#i love him so much#my heart breaks#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I donāt really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#itās getting better but only now that itās like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause thereās a concert going on nearby which#usually means weāre at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldnāt go in because well. you know#Iāve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didnāt go this overboard I donāt totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing thatās kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of itās just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but itās also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didnāt have the spirit Iād hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isnāt FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadnāt been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that wouldāve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I couldāve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know iād suck your dick right now if you wanted
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day 24: free day family
they might have lost their mother young, but seyli and kipfhi have never been alone. their dad and their aunt made sure of that
#ffxiv#miqo'te#miqomarch#seeker of the sun#gpose#sorry 2 m'vismhi for mike wazowski-ing you. she's very cute but you'll just have to trust me on that#this looks like i've given my tribal miqo a nuclear family i'm realising but i swear i didn't.#m'rhel (their dad) was a hunter-turned-fighter who got badly injured fighting the garleans and now can't really do much hunting OR fighting#anymore because he never really properly recovered. his job now is chief babysitter. and all the m tribe kids LOVE him.#he's full of stories and is really good at telling them too.#he LOVES that his daughter is the warrior of light because he gets to tell HER stories now and usually embellish them in ways that embarras#her. because he's a fucker.#m'vismhi isn't actually their biological aunt! she was her mother's best friend and has made it her personal responsibility to make sure#seyli and kipfhi are well taken care of. she originally volunteered to take kipfhi to look for a healer#seyli insisted on doing it though because she didn't want to be separated from kipfhi#oc: m'seyli#oc: m'kipfhi
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Bro. Every time I try to be mean to my sims I fail. Miserably.
#like I try so hard to be the pool ladder person#I place them in post apocalyptic worlds with no food or family#they find love and community and build houses from the ground up#I put them in debt and force them into prostitution#they work hard and their pimps fall in love with them and are secretly nice actually and they raise children together and volunteer#I lock them in painting basements and their alien overloards take pity on them and have mercy and unlock the doors#so they can all go to uni together and get 401ks#I make them have 100 babies but then actually maybe I should#make them immortal so they have the time to really treasure their relationships with their children and raise them right#I give them as food banks to evil vampires#who are actually maybe just misunderstood and actually really they are just in very committed vampire/human relationships and in love#it's hopeless I'm so embarrassed#I made an evil mob boss a year ago except every time I place him he just ends up having a boring job and a committed partner#and like a homestead and a llama and sunday dinners wtf#get a grip Gumdrop#š
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I am venting don't mind me UwU
That event I helped organize a week and a half ago now? I'm wrapping some things up, sending out the rewards, and three days ago a colleague and me agreed that she is dropping the last ones off later today. So, I went ahead and sent the info to the winners about pickup times! Starting from tomorrow morning!
Just now she sent me a message that she won't be able to bring the rewards today, and from reading between the lines I believe she decided to instead bring the gifts the organizers got so she and her friends can have a fun little time opening them. They see each other every day at college. She could have done that every day in the past week and a half, and she decided to change plans last minute and just ignore the winners today???
Like, lady??? What is in your head??? Just??? Aaaargh!!!??
#I made her bring them today anyways#I don't care anymore!#I kept doing things in other people's steads because they kept dropping the ball or being 'unable to make it cuz they're busy' and I'm done!#I've never met a group of people that wanted less to be here and work on things#and let me say it again#they all volunteered to do this! every single one of them!!! they said they have time#they chose what they want to handle/do#and then a week before the event three people abandoned the project because they were busy#(they did nothing for a month before)#and then two more just stopped doing their part of the job without telling anyone#and that job was the one all the rest of us were waiting on so we can do our bits#so I did that#then the other two girls had no time to do marketing materials#then this one that is being a fool today couldn't do her job and collect a part of the rewards so I did that#and I took over my friend's duties because two women from her job quit and she is covering their part while waiting for new trainees#also she is moving#because her landlord is tossing her out after he got greedy after breaking and renovating the apartment around her#so I have nothing against her taking a step back#but I'll start wringing necks to the rest of them soon!#jelly vents#vent#jelly angy#jelly more than angy rn
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men love to act like they're god's gift to prose fiction, like their workshop advice is the sole thing needed to Fix Your Story, and then not even be good writers.
#writing#sorry. being a hater.#I volunteer as an editor for my college's literary magazine and this guy sent us a REALLY pissy email because we rejected his work#even though we went out of our way to say he could submit a different piece we'd read of his for class that was more polished#AND he was like ummm. why didn't you give me useful feedback for my piece? buddy we rejected it. it's not our job to workshop you#ESPECIALLY because we're giving people like. only three days to make edits. either your piece is basically ready or we can't take it#and let me tell you. the piece he sent in was NOT basically ready. some would say it was not even good.#and it's like. again this guy is SOOOOO authoritative. He acts like he is RIGHT and so smart and he's not even a good writer. lol.
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today in defenses of boromir that no one asked for: tired of reading that boromirās death was in vain because he failed to save merry & pippin from the uruk-hai.Ā the fact that this clearly important warrior was willing to die to protect those two is what convinced the urukhai that they had indeed captured the halfing who carried whatever important thing saruman wanted.Ā they took the hobbits to isengard (to isengard gard) because they thought they had the right ones!Ā boromir didnāt succeed in preventing their capture but he did in fact keep them alive by making them seem valuable.Ā furthermore, he actually also saves frodo in this way: because the orcs and uruk-hai think they have what they came for, they stop looking and turn back: if they had not, they might have ultimately found and captured frodo or at least raised the alarm that a hobbit with an Important Thing was on the loose, setting others searching.Ā which is the very heart of tolkienās worldview - that you do the right thing because it is right, and doing the right thing is never in vain.Ā
to conclude this essay boromir died a hero and saved not just merry and pippin but also frodo and sam - and in doing so also saved himself from the ringās attempt to twist him to its own ends
#YES THIS#I will not stand for trashing Boromir the whole entire reason the ring got to him first was by twisting his love for his people#and his sense of responsibility for them#thereās not a single other member of the Fellowship who has the same weight of leadership on their shoulders at this point in the narrative#donāt tell me about Aragorn yes he leads the rangers but thatās like being a king of cats they do fine on their own mostly#he literally was not convinced to let Gondor even know he was there until this exact moment Because Of Boromir#the only one with comparable protective responsibilities is Gandalf#and the second ranked literal Istari had BETTER outlast the very stressed human man#Boromir didnāt expect to be here man he VOLUNTEERED for the Mordor suicide mission AFTER telling everyone how suicidal it was#literally showed up to ask Elrond about a weird dream and was told#āoh hey yo weāre about to have a meeting about what to do with Sauronās Ultimate Doom Weapon that just surfacedā#āyeah one of the creatures you thought werenāt real had it in the tiny sheltered pastoral outskirts of your known worldā#āyeah we realized maybe we should have some human rep from like actual civilizationā#āand not just the brooding forest man with the silly nicknameā#āalso turns out itās the guy whose return is the literal point of your entire very difficult job apparentlyā#āaccording to the elf who will correct you loudly about it IN THE MIDDLE of a very important meeting full of very important people at which#you are trying to represent your kingdom wellā#and then they take FOUR (4) of these little myth guys with apparently no combat skills#why? he may ask??#Gandalf shrugs: āthey can be sneaky and they grow good weedā#my man is having a TIME ok#YOU try maintaining your mental health under these conditions even WITHOUT the evil Literally Actively Corrupts The Hearts Of Men accessory#which is btw around you 24/7#also no one else in the party wants to take the path back through the kingdom you feel bad for not being an active defender of rn#or rather#the guy who should Probably Already Be There based on the authority he is actively wielding to lead the party doesnāt#and everyone listens to HIM#look to be clear I love and get Aragorn but like#you gotta feel for Boromir here#and then he snapped out of it IMMEDIATELY and was intensely heroic about atoning
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First volunteering shift tomorrow šµāš«
#itās at a new local charity shop that benefits an animal charity#i went there on thursday night and the managerās son showed me and others how to use all the important things#he was really nice. it seems like a good culture#he was kind of cute also but i found his instagram and heās even gayer than me. which is fine#anyway iām only there on tuesday mornings#i just thought itād get me out of my rut and allow me to put something on my cv#and i can also help an important charity at the same time#none of it seems crazy complicated. like the till was Way simpler than the one at my last job#itās just that itās a touch screen and iām not used to touch screen tills lol. like how do you cashier at light speed on that#get me a keyboard and iāll clear your queue and frazzle the populace#thereās that and labelling. which basically i get to stab stuff with a tag maker. fun!#the only thing that kind of stresses me is signing people up for gift aid but i might just.. never do it#unless someone gives me good vibes#like iām not asking anyone even remotely belligerent to sign up for gift aid. i am asking 20 somethings with the backbone of a string bean#he did say not to worry about it unless someone is donating a lot of stuff or high ticket items#so yeah. thatās the situation#iām just nervous because itās a new place; new people; my kneeās been acting up this week#i just ate too much and i also have to post a package tomorrow so iām really worried iām going to accidentally do something weird#like leave my package at the shop or try to volunteer at the royal mail#look itās fine. itās fine! itās once a week#itās once a week and my edibles are arriving tomorrow! god willing#i ordered a cupcake box and each one is like 300mg and i havenāt had weed in over a month#so donāt be surprised if the next thing you hear from me is āthe shift went fine and also iām blastedā#okay iām gonna do a bedtime yoga; take herbal nytol and go to sleep#hopefully.#personal
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oh, how he just wants to make a pretty little house wife of you. leave you with absolute freedom and autonomy over your time.
you want to go shopping? here's his card.
you want to join a yoga/ pilates/ kickboxing class? let's register you together!
you want to renovate the kitchen? my buddy knows a guy.
he wants to come home and smell the amazing cooking you have for him. or on lazy days, plop on the couch with you and eat take out.
he wants to smile at his phone while at work because you sent him a selfie of you eating breakfast at noon, or taking the dog for a walk, or with shopping backs in the trunk or with the people you're volunteering with or whatever it is your heart desires.
he wants to see you on the porch, barefoot and pregnant, rubbing your belly and waving to him as he pulls up in the driveway.
he wants to hear you ramble on about the new book you read and hated/loved. or help you brainstorm ideas for your passion project.
he wants to brag about you to all his work buddies and bring you to all the corporate dinners and stroke his own ego while you bashfully tell his coworkers that you "don't have a job, my husband takes care of everything."
NANAMIN, BAKUGO, KIRISHIMA, FATGUM, IZUKU, aizawa, yuuta, armin, iida, iwazumi, sugawara + whoever else you want!
#[moon's mind]#x reader#reader insert#husband imagines#house wife reader#jjk x reader#mha x reader#afab reader#haikyuu x reader#aot x reader#bakugo x reader#husband bakugo#mha bakugo#kirishima x reader#izuku x reader#aizawa x reader#armin x reader#nanamin x reader#husband nanami#jjk nanami#mha fatgum#husband fatgum#fat gum x reader#husband kirishima#jjk yuuta#iwazumi x reader#mha imagines#aot imagines#domestic bliss#trad wife type shit lmao
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.š„ Ż Ė LOOK, MOM! ā nanami kento
yuuji accidentally calls you mom
contents: nanami x fem!reader, husband nanami hehe, this is very silly and random and stupid, fluff, nanami & reader are yuuji's adoptive parents fr, words: 1059
ānanamin!ā yuuji waves at the figure approaching from behind you, a flashy grin appearing on his face as he glances at the blonde man over your shoulder. āi didnāt know you were coming by today!ā
kento's hair sweeps over his forehead in the wind, a few strands coming free as he heads towards you. it's a brisk day, and he has two hot coffees in his hands that he'd picked up after his mission.
a bead of sweat drips down yuuji's temple, and he wipes it with his sleeve, still breathing heavily. you'd spent the last hour training together, pushing his physical capabilities. gojo had been busy recently, between all the missions and his conversations with the higher ups.
so, of course, you'd volunteered to teach the newest student when he couldn't. quickly, he became your favorite of the three first years.
āiām in between assignments.ā kento hands you the coffee, places a gentle hand on your lower back with a smile that is hardly there. āmind if i steal my wife away for a bit?ā
yuuji shrugs, his face still bright as he glances between the two of you. ever since heād found out two of his favorite sorcerers were together, heād hardly shut up about it.
āno problem. iām going to meet up with fushiguro anyway.ā he brushes the dirt off his pants, waving to the two of you.
āgood job today, yuuji!ā grateful for something to warm you up in the chilly air, you take a sip of the coffee. itās perfect, as always, just what you needed. āyouāre improving a lot!ā
he grins, proud of his accomplishments. āthanks, mom! see you later!ā
there's an elongated moment of silence.
you choke on your coffee as kento stiffens beside you, watching while yuuji comes to a skittering halt.
all three of you freeze. you cough, clearing your throat, and kento's hand, steady on your back, has stilled. āyuujiāā
āoh,ā the teenager says, his face turning bright red as he realizes what heās called you. he glances between the two of you, embarrassment evident. āiām so sorry. i didnāt mean toāā
though, you donāt give yuuji enough time to protest. within seconds, youāve gathered him up in your arms, squeezing the younger boy to your chest. ākento, we have a son!ā
you feel yuuji tense, before he relaxes, and throws his arms around you in an even tighter hug. thereās some sort of thanks resting there. he laughs, carefree, a sound you never want to be taken away from the boy who manages to shine so brightly in such a dark world.
kento stares at you, folds his glasses up in his pocket, as if to show you both how unimpressed he is. ādo we?ā he asks, lips flat, though, you see through the facade to the amusement hidden in his irises. āi'm certain i wouldāve remembered something like that.ā
you make a face at him, covering yuujiās ears dramatically. āoh, donāt listen to your dad, yuuji. heās old, he doesnāt know what heās saying.ā
kento blinks, and then sighs, wrinkling his nose. though, when he sees yuujiās wide grin, his eager expression, he decides to play along.
āwell, then... there must be a lapse in my memory." kento crosses his arms over his chest as he regards the two of your extensively, searching for something. "that would certainly explain the striking resemblance between us.ā he says drily.
yuuji laughs, a loud snort. he looks nothing like either of you, but youāre not sure heās ever gotten to witness kento's sarcastic sense of humor, the one that not everyone really gets.
āexactly!ā yuuji quips back to kentoās blank expression. "everyone tells me i have the same smile as my dad!
kentoās trying hard not to let yuuji win that one, but you can see the slight wrinkle around his eye, the tiny quirk of his lips. beside the pink haired boy, you choke out a few giggles, covering your mouth.
āyes," kento nods, solemn. "iāve heard that as well.ā
"so you do know how to make jokes, nanamin!" yuuji shouts, nearly jumping in the air as he cheers. "i can't wait to tell fushiguro this."
kento rolls his eyes, but yuujiās so pleased, and he releases you, his eyes soft and bright as he pulls away.
though he doesnāt say it, doesn't thank you for anything, you can tell heās grateful. itadori yuuji may be happy with his life as it is now, may have found a home within the friends heās made at the high school, but you know he misses his grandfather. sometimes, perhaps, he even longs for the conventional family he never really got to have.
you ruffle his hair, the pink strands catching between the cracks of your fingers. ātell him i said hello too.ā
yuuji nods, stuffing his hands in his pocket as he steps away. āi will!ā his cheerful gaze is pinned on your husband, a secretive smile making a home on his lips. ābye, dad.ā
kento shakes his head, and sighs again, though you can tell, a part of him is touched to have won so much of yuuji's admiration. āhave a good evening, itadori.ā
you watch the young boy scurry away, hands in his pockets as he braces himself against the cold.
"you should be nicer to your son, kento."
kento snorts, throwing an arm over your shoulder as he brings you closer to him. "i am nice to him," he says, kissing your temple softly. "a little hard on him, maybe, but i just don't want anything bad to happen to him."
you soften, look up at him with warm eyes, and you squeeze the hand that is resting on your shoulder. "i know," you say, your heart clenching. you've thought about it before, thought of kento with a tiny child that looks just like him, cradled against his chest. thought of him with a little girl whose hair he can braid, a little boy he can raise to be a gentleman.
but you hadn't talked about it; you'd always thought your life was too busy, too dangerous for children.
"you'd make a good dad, ken," you say, your cheeks flushed as you grin at him.
kento's eyes flash. "really?" an array of emotions scurries across his features before he leans down, kissing you softly. "is this your way of telling me you want a baby, sweetheart?" his voice deepens as he whispers against your lips, smiling. "because i'm more than happy to give you one."
#kento nanami x reader#jjk x reader#nanami fluff#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento x you#nanami kento x y/n#kento nanami x you#nanami x reader#jjk x fem!reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#xoxo rylie š ą§ā Ėļ½”ā#xoxo rylie š ā Ėļ½”ā
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Trans Tim off handedly mentioning random things that just confuse people more and more because he never told them he was trans (only Bruce and Alfred know)
Tim: "For the mission I'm thinking I'll go undercover, but it'll take some work to hide the bruises I got earlier. They're everywhere"
Dick: "Oh I think Steph is free right now!"
Tim: "...Ok?"
Dick: "Don't worry I'm sure she'll help you out with this! "
Tim: "That's awesome but I don't think I'll need help. I know how to use makeup."
Dick: "Really-? Ohhh, yeah your public image is like, way more public than ours. That must be tiring, having to hide the bruises all the time."
Tim: "Well yeah but I knew how to use makeup before that. For like, galas as a kid and stuff"
Dick: "...yeah..."
-----
Steph: -Complaining about a man- "And then he said "Oh you should smile more" like "you look like you don't want to be here" like what- what the fuck-??? Maybe I fucking don't dude."
Tim: "Oh yeah I hate when they do that. Like you've spent the entire time bitching about the consistency of snails, I can close my mouth for a few seconds."
Steph: "..."
Tim: "...What-?"
Steph: "Well- I mean yeah but- you know I have to deal with it like...way more, and it's just a bit weird that like, you as a guy are, I dunno, trying to relate? I mean you don't have to deal with it litreally everyday"
Tim: "Well yeah not anymore, but, you know...I still did."
Steph: :...What-"
-----
Tim: -Resting against one of the rooftop ledges-
Jason: "Woah, I can't believe it, Red Robin, slacking. What would Bruce do if he saw this!"
Tim: "Fuck off, it's just period cramps." -Jumps off the edge of the building-
Jason: "Yeah whatever Timblina...
Your fucking what-"
-----
Bruce: "And for this mission, we'll be needing someone for the Caroline disguise, but we already know who that is so-"
Dick: "Wait does Steph actually know how to fight in heels-??"
Bruce: "...N-"
Steph: "Yeah Bruce, I mean, you could at least actually ask me before volunteering me to go fight crime in that dress."
Bruce: "You-"
Jason: "I mean no offense, but literally who else would do it? Cass isn't here right now and I don't think any of us are willing to get a boob job for the mission"
Bruce: "No one's getting a boob job-"
Steph: "Yeah! This is bat tech, Bruce probably has ultra realistic titties in everyone's color and size! Jason you wouldn't even need an attachment."
Jason: "I don't think Caroline Hills has fifty gun shot wounds and muscles the size of most those guys heads."
Steph: "Yeah bu-"
Bruce: "None of that will be necessary because none of you" -Pointing at the right side of the table- "Will be going. No one at this table will be needing any prosthetics...Or boob jobs."
Steph: "...Ok but who the fuck is going then-"
Bruce: "Tim."
The entire table: "..."
Steph: "Tim are you really willing to put on boobs for this-"
Dick: "I don't think that's the best idea-"
Jason: "You just said no prosthetics- Oh this'll be fucking rich"
Tim: "...
I...wouldn't need a boob job?? Or prosthetics?"
Jason: "Timbo, that dress is a pretty low cut, and, no offense, your training hasn't given you that many enhancements."
Tim: "...Thank you for the binding compliment?"
Dick: "The what-"
Tim: "Guys I- I already have boobs-"
The Table: "..."
Steph: "WHAT-"
Dick: "You do-?!"
Jason: "Bruce if you made Tim get boobs for some weird mission-"
Tim: "What- No! No one made me get boobs??? Besides, I don't know, biology I guess??? Genetics maybe???"
Dick: "...I'm extremely confused"
Steph: "WHO GAVE YOU BOOBS-???"
Tim: "I'm not really sure seeing as I was born with them"
Dick: "...
OHHHHHH-"
Steph: "What- is this like a birth defect or something???"
Dick: "Tim- Tim I think you're just gonna have to-"
Tim: "I'm trans."
Jason: "...That's-
Yeah
Ok yeah no that- that explains...a lot."
Steph: "..." -Head in hands- "I am such a fucking idiot"
#tim drake#timothy drake#timothy jackson drake#dick grayson#jason todd#stephine brown#bruce wayne#red robin#nightwing#red hood#batgirl#spoiler dc#dc universe#dcu#batman#batfamily#batkids#trans tim drake#batfamily incorrect quotes#batfam#batfam incorrect quotes
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Dick Grayson:
*runs the titans*
*works for the league*
*has a day job*
*solo patrols bludhaven*
*solo patrols New York*
*on call 24/7 for regularly scheduled Gotham crisis(es)*
*training at least 40% of new gen heroes at any given moment*
*infiltrating the current annoying cult, corrupt gov, spy organization, company, mafia group, evil underground ancestral foundations of a city and random corrupt modeling industry*
*monitoring drug pedaling in 3 cities*
*emotionally regulating 80% of his family bc why would they do it themselves? Nah letās just ruin relationships for fun -cough Bruce cough-*
* maintaining civilian cover*
*canonically does volunteer work*
I am beginning to think nightwing doesnāt have anger issues heās just overstimulated bc wtf
Like Dick take a break what is this?
āāāā
Dick currently working on infiltrating the mob, after 4 days of 6+ hour patrols bc bludhaven has no chill an Arkham breakout, a performance review at work that took too long, organizing a titans outer space mission, just got back from training Jon Kent: no one call me plz god no one call me I canāt do this I have so much work no one. Call me plz
*phone rings* -itās tim
He could ignore it but last time he left Tim alone for a month the dumbass lost his spleen and decided a cowl was a fashion choice (equally bad in his opinion)
Dick picking up the phone with his non broken arm: yello
Tim: so I accidentally maybe got kidnapped and maybe also started a cult around the concept of Batman and Iām out of energy drinks. (All equally dire in tims opinion)
Dick popping 4 caffeine pills: shut up Iāll be there in 30 donāt DO ANYTHing.
āāāāā
Jason: sooo I might be engaged to an alien princess
Dick about to pop a Xanax: tell me itās Kori or at least in this galaxy
Jason: nope
Dick: ā¦. Can it wait
Jason: she wants to eat me, their species is like a praying mantis knockoff but with space and mind control.
Dick: yeah okay give me an hour Iāll call raven
āāāā
Damian: hello Richard
Dick: what did you do.
Damian: I have been kidnapped by my mother
Dick: again
Damian: I feel it would be redundant to say anything
Dick: ā¦ā¦.. alright Iāll call the nearest flying hero be there in a bitā¦ keep ur spine where it is Damian or I swear to god-
āāāāāā
Bruce: cult
Dick who just got done with an undercover mission: anddd?
Bruce: we need someone to infiltrate it
Dick: I swear to god I. will. hurt. you
Bruce: hnnnn
āā-
Babs: I haveā¦ acquired a child
Dick who is fighting deathstroke : ā¦okayyyy
Babs who is watching the fight: sheās a little bit ā¦ traumatized
Dick, dodging a katana: preaching to the choir
Babs: can you do your whole, human empathy and kindness tell me ur life story I have puppy dog eyes.
Dick: ā¦.
Babs: you owe me
Dick: ā¦ one day I will delete all your numbers and disappear
Babs cheerfully: you know no matter where you go I can find you hunk wonder see you in 3 hours donāt die before then!
#nightwing#batman#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#batfam#bruce wayne#damian wayne#barbara gordon#batfamily#comics#dc fanon
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I think its genuinely fascinating how Biden has somehow become the bad vibes sin eater for the party. I'm seeing people who were doing the whole "voting doesn't matter both old men are the same" pivot hard into voting as harm reduction. The anti voting rhetoric has COMPLETELY lost The Youths on tiktok. People suddenly remember the good things the Biden administration has done but don't associate Harris with any of the things they didn't like. In my swing state volunteers are signing up in droves. People feel ENERGIZED, the vibe shift pre and post Biden dropping from the race has just been insane
Y'know, that is a... good way of putting it. It's also why I'm quite sure that Biden has probably been planning it for a while. I don't think he was intending to step down, and didn't want to be forced out at the drop of a hat, but after he realized that the circus was never going to stop until he did, he did the honorable fall-on-his-own-sword thing and definitely, DEFINITELY spent some time choreographing this behind the scenes. Because while the roll-out has been very smooth, it could just as easily (as many of us were expecting) have been a total disaster, and that doesn't happen without SOME planning. It's also entirely possible that the campaign staff flipped from Biden to Harris are superhuman, to come up with a massive online roll-out, new branding, new signs (they had plenty of 'em in Wisconsin yesterday), new everything, but I'm guessing it's a combination of both. Biden has spent his entire political career being underestimated, and after we literally made a meme out of Dark Brandon juking the Republicans out of their shoes, we should definitely give credit where credit is due in how masterfully he pulled it off.
Because we have had eight years defined by the central question of Whether The President Is a God King Who Should Serve For Life (the MAGAts obviously think yes), the sheer idea of a president willingly giving up his power BEFORE he had to is also novel and admirable. It's sad that this is the case, but so be it. The Republicans also got a heaping helping of Be Careful What You Wish For that was undoubtedly brilliant; they've been yelling for years that Biden is old and frail and can't serve and should step down. Biden went "lol okay" and gave it to them, and now they're fucked.
Aside from that, on the most basic level, it's far, far easier to see the actual difference in the parties with Harris as the nominee, just because it shows that one party is willing to make progress and reflect the new demographic reality and social mores of America, and the other one is not. Now to be clear, Biden deserves an incredible amount of credit for coming out of retirement (he was ALREADY 77 years old when he became president and had had decades of a long and respected career in public service behind him) to fight, beat Trump, and deliver an incredibly successful presidency. He held the line against authoritarianism at home and abroad, he rescued the trashed American economy and managed a world-leading recovery from Covid, he stood up for democracy, he spent four years filling the benches with liberal judges to reverse even some of the Trump/McConnell hack job, he finally passed comprehensive infrastructure investment and the Green New Deal under the name of the Inflation Reduction Act -- and so on. Many of these priorities had been languishing for decades or were completely trashed under Trump, and he could not have done so much in just 4 years without all that age, skill, and experience. Hence why all the Ageism!!! was (aside from being a Republican/media smear job) dumb. He's able to do the job because he has had decades to study. Turns out that makes you actually pretty damn good at it.
Yes, Biden could not do as much as he wanted or originally planned, had to deal with MAGA Republicans and Joe Manchin/Kyrsten Sinema sabotaging him the whole time (lololol Manchin, possible possessor of the World's Biggest Ego and with Trump around that's saying something, popping out of obscurity to self-righteously announce he would not be willing to be Kamala's VP. YEAH ASSHOLE. LITERALLY NOBODY ASKED YOU. NOBODY WHATSOEVER. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS AT LEAST WE WILL SOON NO LONGER HAVE MANCHIN IN THE SENATE). And yes, Biden made some serious mistakes of his own, because he IS from an older generation and a different style of doing politics/different beliefs that no longer resonate with the younger segments of the electorate. But this old white Catholic guy at the age of almost 80 still managed to be the most progressive president ever, coming in at a moment of incredible domestic and international crisis and getting us safely to the other side, and all cynicism, criticizing, and caveating aside, he deserves an incredible amount of credit for that. I mean that absolutely, and I am very grateful.
As I said, willingly relinquishing that power takes guts, and when Biden saw the writing on the wall that he had to sacrifice himself, he took his time, he didn't jump too early, and he didn't jump too late. On the most basic level, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to make the "both parties are not the same" argument when one is running a (comparatively) young brown woman and the other is still running their loathed felonious old demented orange traitor. Most Americans are not plugged into policy minutiae and details. They look at Biden-Trump, they see two old white guys. When you take one of those old white guys away (who goes in a self-sacrificially heroic manner and in sharp contrast with the coup-happy fascist) and put Kamala Harris in there instead, it generates an obvious jolt. People can see for themselves that there is a real difference that doesn't rely on closely reading news and tracking complex policy, because as noted, most Americans simply don't. The brown first-generation American daughter of brown immigrants is a quantifiably different story from "old white guy career politician," which for better or worse is how Biden was seen, especially the old part. We needed that establishment expertise to beat Trump in 2020; I still think Biden is the only one who could have done it, and as noted, we owe him a great debt for doing so.
However.... 2024 is not 2020, and it is not 2016. There has been this HUGE and unbelievable swing to Kamala because she represents the antithesis of what the last eight years of Trump-induced anger, fear, panic, chaos, and hatred has stirred up. That's why people are so ready to rally around her, just as they were (I daresay) around Obama in 2008, after the exhaustion, chaos, war, and mounting economic misery of Bush. Trump has been out of office for the last four years, but his shadow over the American political landscape has been omnipresent. Now people know that we finally have a real chance at getting rid of him forever, and just as Biden was uniquely positioned to capitalize on that in 2020, so Harris is now. Which is why, however tough it will be, she has a real shot at winning. I can guarantee the Republicans know that, and are shit scared. Because the Black Lady Army of Democracy has indeed arrived in force to Get This Shit Done and I don't know about you, but I found that incalculably comforting:
Yikes! All lined up for Kamala pic.twitter.com/Dt4OCDp7WX
ā Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) July 24, 2024
This, at the most basic level, is what scares fascists the most, it's exactly what we need now, and what Harris is uniquely positioned to mobilize, along with her gangbusters appeal to young voters:
This is the energy we need. This is what Biden saw and planned for and which he launched us into, and where all that experience and age paid off. This is why people, even people otherwise disengaged, disillusioned, or checked out of the tedious and mind-numbering drudgery and depression of American politics, are responding to it. Because it's easy to understand, it offers hope, and it tells a very simple story that is nonetheless long overdue:
Thanks so much, Joe. Go absolutely waste that orange fucker, Kamala. We got your back.
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Tim begins to distance himself from his family after Damian becomes Robin.
It was obvious in the way he ran off to rescue Bruce, but that was more of a physical thing at the end of the day. He was desperate and had lost any kind of safety net and support he had after Dick threatened Arkham and how badly he hurt Alfred with his instance that Bruce was alive.
Either way he was going to get Bruce back, if not because he felt like he was an aimless, nothing human being without Batman then there was that he wanted to be believed.
Then Dick handed over Robin to Damian who at that point genuinely despised Tim, though there was also a level of jealously in the young Wayneās mind at the intelligence and analytical Tim.
It was then that Tim decided he would bring Bruce back and then do his own thing, outside of Robin and outside of Batman.
He clearly had done his job hadnāt he? Sure Bruce was dead, but Dick was acting as Batman and that Batman had a Robin, so his reasoning for being Robin was extinguished.
Tim brings Bruce back and the older man praises and thanks him for several days and then, like everything else, the attention moves away. It goes to him connecting with Damian on a vigilante level and catching up on the last several months of him being ādeadā. It goes to Jason who, now that heās lost his foster father has decided that maybe he could try a little harder after all.
It goes to everyone and anyone other than Tim and this time? Thatās actually the plan.
Tim isnāt as good of a hacker as Barbara, but sheās basically a god at it so compared to others he might as well be master level, just not against her. This he uses to shift around peoples schedules so Alfred has no choice but to let him go to school on his own (Tim may have also invented an early morning āclubā that was totally legit and not at all a fabrication). He makes it so when Dick is over or Jason takes the rare opportunity to visit he had to work at WE or DI, something important he canāt neglect.
He never has to walk Ace or Titus because heās busy with his team mates.
Team mates who think heās busy helping out Batman.
Tim still does work as a hero, but itās entirely through his businesses after a while. A few times he has no choice but to go out in a boring black suit with a full face mask and hoodie. Itās got nothing on it, no symbols or gadgets. Nothing to connect him to anyone.
He starts with the homeless, dishing out vaccines like candy without even doing a campaign to showcase it.
Then he changes Bruceās rather naive approach to orphanages and makes it so every single child who is put through is given a small amount of funding. He makes it so kids have more chance to stay with siblings, makes sure everyone who even so much as enters the ground of a orphanage have a real background check and sure the adoption rate drops, but so does the missing kids and DV cases.
Tim steals over fifty million from people like Luther and Penguin and all kinds of corrupt rich assholes for the majority of the funding and not even a cent of it is traced back to Wayne or Drake businesses. Whiles heās digging into Lex be manages to get enough evidence to put a sizeable dent in his reputation, even if Lex manages to smooch a fair bit of it back.
Heās manages to take out a large sized trafficking ring and helps get the victims into a real recovery home that he hand picks out security for.
Later, as in a few days afterward, he discovers a dog meat farm and everyone medical veterinary student suddenly finds themself free of student loans and debt and with multiple work opportunities available and volunteer work being down right pleased for.
Tim knows heās being noticed but given that he basically lives in his office in the heart of the city, he isnāt there to hear his old teammates and āfamilyā talk about the mysterious Dread.
Dread who was named that after a report came out about a theory of an unknown hacker or ācyber vigilanteā who was stealing money and information from rich folk and giving it to the poor, giving all of the 1% dread that he would hit them next.
The exact quote was āThose with money deeper than their pockets dread the hackers next moves. And they should feel that dread as a warning for this Robin Hood like legend seems to be getting braver.ā
Dick was sure the hacker would have been called Robin if he hadnāt chosen that name already, to which Barbara responded with grumbles and growl because she couldnāt find anything other than holes and traps left by the hacker. It was like they knew her every move before she even made it!
Tim, obvious to his growing reputation until it fully took off, hadnāt even considered that his actions would be framed a threat by Batman. He would say it was because he didnāt think Bruce would ever really target him like that, but in actuality itās because he knew Bruce was one of the few good rich folk. Surely he would be on the side of a secret vigilante hacker trying to use horrible people to do good? He embraced Dread quickly and was happy he make the rich squirm and brought a sense of hope to people, it was just like Robin but instead of them being safe and given light they were given a peace of mind in a mix of revenge and justice.
What Tim doesnāt know is that Bruce is still too far into his whole image of black and white, good and evil, that he tends to forget thereās grey areas.
At least Jason is on the side of Dread, even if he still thinks the myth of a story is just that, a myth.
Itās when Tim blows up a bank when everyone has gone home for the night just so people will find the underground money ring that and he visits the manner to get a few things that he hears them talking about it.
By that point itās been around two years since he dropped Robin and as usual Dick always greets him with a look of a desperate puppy, āTim! Hi, youāre here. I havenāt seen you in months, how have you been?ā
Tim smiles at Dick even if he hasnāt gotten over his anger at his oldest brother and moves to sit at the breakfast table with everyone (Alfred, Bruce, Jason and Damian).
āGood. Busy, weāve had a lot of donations lately.ā
Jason snorts, āNo shit. Isnāt Wayne Enterprise one of the few ones not hit by Dread?ā
Bruce grumbles and shakes his head, āI wouldnāt say that. Theyāve managed to get into our system and completely changed the Jason Project.ā
Jason grins and laughs happily, āyou mean improved! Crime Ally is doing great now. Not the best, but still a fuck of a lot better.ā
Smiling at the man who once beat him to an inch of his life, Tim takes a sip of his tea and casually says, āYouāre welcome.ā
The whole table goes quiet as Tim continues to casually sip his tea.
The silence carries for a total minute before Bruce puts down his cup and leans forward with a slight growl in his voice, āExplain.ā
āExplain what?ā
Bruce stands over his son even from halfway down the table and very obviously tries to calm himself with a deep breath, āWhat do you mean āyouāre welcomeā?ā
Tim makes an āohā expression before cocking his head to the side in confusion, āI was the one who fixed the Jason Project? Wait, did you guys not realise Iām Dread?ā
Damian shouts out a āwhat?!ā That makes Titus jump and Tim laughs under his breath, āWhat did you think I was doing?ā
āRunning the business! Not stealing from people and black mailing politicians!ā
Itās Timās turn to growl now and he stands up himself with a glare at Bruce that is as close as any of them have gotten to the famed Bat-Glare, āAre you fucking kidding me? Like are you a Tully kidding me with that horse shit?ā
Bruce looks stunned and Alfred doesnāt even tell him not to swear.
Tim slams his chair into the table.
āWhat the fuck else would I be doing, Bruce? Iām not Robin, that was taken from me, so what else was I gonna do? I finished my job, not only keeping you from killing anyone but bringing you back, so I had do pick something else. Iām not stealing from the rich, Iām stealing from selfish cunts who ruin peoples lives for no reason and giving it to people like Jason. So, donāt you fucking yell at me and donāt try to make me feel bad for this, not when Iāve done more in two years than you ever have and- donāt you fucking speak Dick, not when you were the one who took my place here away from me! Now, I have a trafficking ring I need to expose so good. Fucking. Day.ā
Jason is the only one who follows him.
#batfam#tim drake#bat family#dc comics#batfamily#dc universe#Tim Drake is NOT red Robin#dc#tim drake is a menace#damian wayne#dick grayson#bruce wayne#jason todd#tim drake centric#hacker Tim Drake
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